Small Update and New Site Launch

Howdy, strangers! I'm sorry that the BadassDad blog hasn't been updated for so long, but my family is now about half way through our mega-long road trip/camping/family visit vacation. We're happy and grateful for our trip and having a wonderful time. At this point in time, we're visiting family, but next week we're camping along the California coast. It sure is nice to be around people who care about us and our kids and are willing to offer entertainment and care for our kids. We've even been able to sneak out for a couple dates while we've been here!

I expect to do a much more interesting and open up some more discourse on parenting in the next week or so. Right now, I'd like to actually point you away from the site for a while. Today a new site is launching at http://www.tvfreeliving.com and it should be great. How do I know it should be great? For one thing they've asked me to participate and contribute some articles. Head over to TVFreeLiving and subscribe, if you think it sounds like something you're into.

Remember, you don't have to go so far as tossing your box out the window to live TV Free; it's always nice to learn some strategies to help cut screen time out of your life and open the doors and get out and live. Remember, we watch TV because it shows us a world in which TV doesn't exist--the paradox is that we can live in this world any time we want to--just turn it off.

Turn Off your TV and Computer Week

April 21-27th is Turn Off Your TV Week. This isn't just limited to TV, but to "screen time." So, turn off your computer now. Go outside. I don't care if it's raining, do something with your family. We'll talk about things next week.

Marketing TV to Children

There's a channel called Sprout on many cable services now. There's also the ironically-named channel called Noggin. These are channels that are aimed at 0-2 year olds. The companies that run the channels are really biting the bullet for you here--there are no commercial interruptions on these channels. Just 24 hours a day of television for your baby. This is good, right?

If you read this blog at all, you know what my stance is going to be.

Doctors have told us time and time again that children under 2 should watch zero hours of TV a day. That's zero. Why is this? What's so evil about a channel that is benevolent enough to provide you with kids shows free of commercials?

The medium of TV is unique. The two-dimensional world of television is disorienting to our bodies. Whenever there is what is called a "formal feature," such as a cut, zoom, edit, wipe, whatever, our bodies respond with a particular adrenal reaction. It's called the orienting response. As predators, strange movements like those catch our attention. And in order to react to being disoriented, our blood pressure drops, giving us a moment of calm that last from 4-6 seconds. Yes, this is an exceptionally mild, hardly noticeable to the mind, unless they were to come in huge doses.

During most TV shows, these features occur every--you guessed it--4-6 seconds. During commercials and music videos, they come every second.

Your body knows this. This is why it's relaxing to watch TV. The content of a show itself is not relaxing, otherwise we'd be watching landscapes with ambient music. But as we follow Jack (from 24 or Lost) through a weekly tribulation, we get a dose of Soma.

When your baby sits watching Elmo or Dora and seems to be concentrating or at ease, it's not because they are learning or relaxing. It's because they are mesmerized by the most prevalent drug in history, getting dose after dose from their own bodies courtesy of the TV.

You may wonder why Johnny and Jill seem to be having a problem concentrating in school several years from now.

But we still haven't answered the question of what the channels get out of this. First of all, of course, they are selling products to these 0-2 year olds. They are selling them Dora and Elmo licensed products. And though they may not buy them themselves, and though they may even be too young to nag in many cases, their parents buy them for them. They know that their little Johnny is enthralled with Elmo's World and that the Spanglish-speaking little imp is empowering Jill by exploring.

Second, and perhaps more disturbingly, they're selling them TV. They're creating TV watchers out of them from birth. Since the late 70s, marketing companies have focused their larger clients with the strategy of "cradle-to-grave marketing" (their name for it, not mine). They know that if they can land them young, they'll be consumers all their lives. Then they can rest easy under a Dora tombstone.

When you stop watching TV, you no longer get the relaxation effects leave your body. However, this leaves you jittery and anxious. That's because while the relaxation leaves, but you are left with passivity and lethargy. Anyone who's ever been addicted knows that you don't want that kind of let-down. They know that kids will keep watching, just to stay sane.

Having your children sit forever in front of TV may seem easy. And I understand the impulse to watch hours of TV after a long day. But there has never been a force more damaging to imagination and creativity. Be a badass--turn it off.

Related:
Giving Up TV
10 Ways to Tame TV
10 Alternative to Conventional TV

Not Willing to Give Up TV? 10 Ways to Tame it.

I’ve had a lot of response for my post, Giving up TV. In fact, on a normal day, the “hits” on that post register about 100 times more than hits on any other post. What’s the deal with that? Are we so fascinated by the idea that we actually can live without TV that it deserves to be met with such curiosity and excitement? Are there really people out there who haven’t thought about giving up their TV addiction? I don’t pretend to know the answers, but as long as I have the attention of a pretty large number of people, I want to encourage this movement away from media-dependence. You’ve probably noticed how pervasive the TV is.

With the TV on in our houses, our day is not our own. We make our schedules around it. We make decisions based on it. We give corporations a window into our houses. We hand out kids over to the corporate culture without thinking about it. And we pay for most of it.

And yet…

We are so fascinated with what they have to say about the weather that they say it every six minutes on morning. Then, after they’ve told us about the weather, they promise more about it in another six minutes. And we tune in again. Why is the weather so important to people in the morning? Bring a sweater! Put an umbrella in your car or bike! You don’t need to know what the day has in store! They’re probably wrong and you probably have a pretty good idea yourself.

We alter plans and possibilities of human interaction because of what’s on TV. They have molded your day when this happens. I once had a date tell me that she had to go home because TGIF was on ABC. Okay, it probably wasn’t the “quality” programming that was driving her away, but it seemed like a logical excuse to her. It seemed so because this isn’t uncommon. A friend of mine in college said that he called his mom because he was having a rough time adjusting and she said, “Let me call you back after Big Brother.” We establish and nurture relationships with the characters on TV even at the expense of our own friends and family.

The corporations that have us pay for their service make money not only from us but from the channels and advertisers on the other side of things. We are paying to watch ads. The shows are really just unfortunate side effects for the TV companies (unless, of course, they present good places for product placement). And we willingly sit our kids down to watch shows that leave them desiring cheap, useless merchandise that they don’t really want. Kids, especially pre-teen and teenagers, feel worse about themselves after watching commercials.

And I know what you’re thinking, “I’m not affected by commercials.” Then tell me why advertisers pay $200,000,000,000 a year for advertising on TV? You’re telling me it doesn’t work? You just don’t see the big picture like they do. It works. Trust me. Or trust them, at least.

But there are ways that you can help these strange events happening under your own roof. For one, you can get rid of the TV. But many just won’t do that. Luckily, there are other ways.

So. You’re not willing to give up the TV?

Big deal. This doesn’t mean you can’t join the fight against it. What the TV’s function is in most households is really the acknowledgement that you’re there, you’re alive, you’re awake. People wake up and turn the thing on as a symbol for “clocking-in” for your day. It will remain on, even if muted, for the rest of the day as long as you are in your house. For some people, this even means turning on TVs in multiple rooms. This TV being on is comforting for us. We were raised that way. We may even perceive our pets to prefer the presence of the all-knowing box. There are some very solid steps that you can take to tame the beast.

1. Mindful TV Watching
TV doesn’t have to be mindless. Only watch TV when there is something that you want to watch. Read that last sentence again. Make it a mantra. There is no reason to flip through channels seeking you-know-not-what. And don’t turn on the TV just because the kids want to “watch something” or “watch TV.” Ask them what they want to watch. Turn it on if you think that’s a good idea. Don’t offer suggestions, make them discern what it is they want to do with their time; this shouldn’t be just to waste time.

2. Impose Time Limits
I use to really make fun of friends of mine who said, “My mom only lets me watch an hour of TV a day.” But first, let us look at that statement. What, besides TV, does a parent let their child do for more than an hour a day? There just aren’t that many activities that we do that beg for four or five hours of our time every day. And those that do should hopefully give you some sort of product, like a backyard deck or a new guestroom, after a certain number of days.

3. Flexible Limits
You don’t have to stick with a certain amount of TV every day. I know parents who give their kids tickets to watch shows. This often results in siblings coordinating TV watching plans. Or, you can sit down on Sunday and map out a plan for the week—which shows are “important” to watch or a special movie night or some such.

4. Time Frames
Or, maybe TV watching is free in the morning, when little kids wake up too early and parents follow suit, but then goes off after everyone has had breakfast and gotten dressed for the day. That would at least encourage a view of TV watching as having a docile purpose in the day rather than a dictator of it.

5. Keep kids away from certain shows
What shows? Shows that are nothing but commercials masked in plots. Shows like Dora, Power Rangers, and the like. If there’s a huge amount of products associated with it, you should urge them in a different direction. These shows created misplaced desires and they direct those desires by changing characters, adding characters, encouraging collection, etc. And when you kid does collect them all, they will only see how unfulfilling it is when the movie comes out and all the old characters become irrelevant. Instead, shows like Arthur that are more closely associated with books can be a better alternative (but don’t fall for something like a Dora book—those things are like poison put to print when your child wants you to read it again and again).

6. Get Rid of Cable
And I don’t mean “buy Dish!” I mean, get rid of all those damn channels. How many of them do you watch? They spread the good channels out within their three or four strata of service options so that you have to get 150 channels to watch five good ones, but 200 channels to watch nine good ones. And having cable really detracts from the idea of mindful TV watching. Maybe you have a good antenna and can get the local channels. But I don’t recommend getting “basic cable” because a) they’ll talk you into getting a bigger package at less money and b) because you don’t need to send their kids to college—stop lining their pockets.

7. TIVO
I have no experience with TIVO whatsoever. But I have a few problems with it. 1) you’re paying for a service; 2) you probably still have cable; 3) You have to fast-forward through commercials when they should be automatically blacked-out. So, instead:

8. Get an AppleTV
I swear they’re not paying me to say this again. But with one of these expensive systems hooked up to your TV, you can only watch shows that you decide to pay for. You will automatically limit TV to shows that you actually want to watch and you will cut out commercials altogether. Plus, you never, ever have to change your schedule around a show (though you’ll often have to tell your neighbors not to say anything about Survivor until that weekend). I would happily rather pay for a show that doesn’t have commercials than watch a show for free that does. I’ve been saying that for at least 10 years before the AppleTV came out.

9. Get a DVD player
Oh, you have one? What’s it there for? I’ll tell you what it’s there for: mindful watching. Only shows you want, no commercials. This is especially helpful with the increased presence of quality TV shows being put on DVD compulsively and online things like Netflix getting them to you.

10. Get a blanket
To put over the screen. Make it hard to turn it on. Only take that blanket off when you really, really want to watch something. Bonus points if it’s a pretty blanket or a tapestry.

And, as always, there are plenty of alternative to watching TV at all. You will find yourself with more time, more energy, and more room for your families. Such are the things that being a badass dad are all about.

Valentine's Day

First of all, a happy Valentine's Day to those of you out there reading this--especially to those who care to have a happy one.

When I take a poll of my students to see what they think about Valentine's Day in my classes, they either say that they love it, or that "it sucks." And I wonder why the emotions are so strong about it. There is almost no one who feel in the middle about the subject and I don't think that the lines are drawn between those who have dates and those who don't; I think it goes much deeper than that. But for whatever reason, I can't find myself to feel passionate about it either way. I am hoping that readers here will offer their opinions and experiences to help shed light on the myriad of angles of this strange holiday.

I've come to the conclusion in recent days that I don't know exactly what to think about Valentine's Day. I can't find any convincing evidence that the day is based in a pagan holiday, like many of our meaningful holidays are. There's a sort of a conundrum in my mind that I can't find my way to resolve regarding Valentine's Day. It is an internal fight between a holiday that seems to have a great potential for fun, and a holiday that plasters our world with crappy, disposable gifts that are supposed to somehow relate the idea of Love. Let me explain.

The Negative Side

Obviously, this falls into the realm of rampant consumerism that I would rather my children weren't a part of. If I don't want them to buy into the consumer hype, I don't feel like I can participate. So this rules out buying any kind of presents that are specific to Valentines Day. Not that I find them to be great gifts in the first place, but those rows and rows of pink and red that adorn every grocery store are made to be temporary. They fall into the realm of "planned obsolescence," that is, products made to break or otherwise be temporary. Therefore, you essentially throw your money away on stuffed bears holding hearts singing lame songs about love, or boxes of sub-par chocolates, or daisies dyed red.

Not only is the consumerism side of things repulsive because they plan on taking our money for sub-par products that don't serve as proper emissaries of our love, but the whole thing reeks of obligation.

Many of the girls in the classes that I teach (I suppose for this and many other purposes, I treat them as a very unscientific data-collection group) say of their boyfriends, "He'd better get me something." And I don't know about you other husbands and boyfriends out there, but I rarely feel like I'm being loving or giving if I feel like I'm being measured by my performance. I should stress that this is not the majority of the voices that I heard, but the sentiment is not at all uncommon.

This is stressed by the convenience with which someone can buy Valentines Day presents. They are strewn about the fronts of super markets and WalMarts; they are sold on street corners; stores set up outdoor drive-up stands for chocolates and flowers. So let me ask you, if it's the thought that counts, how much thought goes into driving by a store on the way home from work and asking the boy in the drive through flower stand what they have left for under twenty bucks? Or, for that matter, picking up a gaudy red package of chocolate at the WalMart?

If it's an expectation or an obligation, and the products at large are being peddled, I can't be more repulsed by the idea of Valentines Day. But there are other sides to it, as well.

Positive Sides

To look at the positive side, I really go back in my mind towards my childhood, when I wasn't so aware of consumerism and there were no expectations placed on me to perform.

I used to love V-Day in school. We would decorate boxes and bring those stupid packs of cards for everyone in class. There was an excitement and exuberance in getting a card (though obligatory) from the girl that you liked. It was a fun activity and a nice break from the normal activities of school.

My parents used to get us little presents for Valentines Day, too. Not much, of course, but it was always welcome. I remember one time getting a gift certificate for Tower Records. But the best of all was a pocket-knife. It was a big step for a boy, getting a pocket knife. And I'll never know why Valentines Day was chosen for this, or if it was a thoughtful relationship or not. But whatever the gift, my parents never gave us stuffed heart-bears, and the present was always exciting.

The Ambiguity

With my role as husband, I don't know exactly where I currently stand on this strange holiday. I love my wife and look for ways to show it every day. I don't think that a day associated with a remote saint and a greeting card company is really the best opportunity for it. I know that my first couple V-Days with a girlfriend or a wife I labored under the notion that they were going to be really special. I expected to be let into some kind of super exclusive club of have Valentines Day Daters who were going to understand the true meaning of the holiday.

And it's no knock on my wife that this didn't end up being the case. Sure, we had fun. But really, the day didn't end up being all that, well, special. The distinction between something like a birthday or an anniversary is that those are days with a specific history to us. We can talk about our wedding day. Or where we were that time three years ago. Or about our past birthdays. Or whatever. I feel like we're celebrating something.

With Valentines Day, we're surrounded by other people at restaurants. The menu is limited (usually a "special Valentines Day Menu") so they can get people in and out as fast as possible. And really, it feels like it just emphasizes how often we don't go out on a special date. We've had better times going out to eat on the 15th or the weekend before, or whatever. So while I'm thrilled to show my wife my love and I'm happy to take her out on a date whenever I can, I don't see that as the best night to do it.

I've read statistics that state that this is the number one day to get engaged. Well, that's cool, I guess. Then in subsequent V-Day's, they'd have a special event that they are commemorating. But, then again, this falls into the whole expectation thing. I wouldn't want to "pop the question" on a day that she so thoroughly saw it coming. But then again, surprising my wife is one of the severe challenges of my life.

The Conundrum

So where does that leave me? I want to introduce this holiday to my kids before the media does. They are still too young to pronounce it, so I'm jumping on it soon enough. I think that I'll try and find a small, non-Valentines Day, present to give them. I'll tell them about how we love each other every day, but today is often the day that people feel like telling each other that. Why? Well, I don't have a good answer.

As for my wife, honestly, if pay-day were today instead of tomorrow, maybe I'd be out trolling the stores. She has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want anything. I do look for chances to get her things that nurture our relationship. So much of our time and money is spent on nurturing our family--which is a wonderful choice--that I like to take opportunities for us to nurture the just us part of the family. I just don't know if this is the day to do it.

Suggestions?

The only real suggestion that I have is that you and your partner communicate openly and clearly about your expectations for the day. You should be open and honest. And if your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever really wants something, you should probably take that into consideration--it may be a bigger part of their traditions and belief system that you recognize. And if you plan on not getting them something, maybe you should be clear about the whys of that decision. It might be helpful to pick another day near this one or during another time of year that you can make a special and meaningful day without all the societal baggage.

So, I ask you, how do you celebrate Valentines Day? Is there a way that you've cut out the consumerism and expectations, or do you just put up with it for today? Or, do you ignore the day? Or, do you have a new tradition to introduce or a special way to make the day meaningful for our kids? I'm asking because I don't have a clear answer myself.

Five Quotes to Live By

Getting caught up in the day to day experiences of life can blind one to the things they truly care about. It doesn't do a lot of good to lose focus and lose balance. But these following quotes--chosen because they a) are great and b) aren't cliche--are short meditations on what it is to embrace one's priorities. Read through and maybe you'll find one that speaks to you today:

1. Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought. ~Basho

In my writing classes, I try and stress the ideas of respect and acceptance of our fellow classmates. This is sometimes harder to achieve than you might think. In my classes students are encouraged to write about their own experiences and what has brought them to their beliefs. This causes a lot of trouble between different ideologies the students might hold. But this quote really puts into focus what I try and stress to the class. "Whatever you've been through, whatever you've done, it's brought you here," I tell the class. "We have at least something in common, some part of the goals we reach involve this place and this time. Don't knock what has brought the person next to you. You didn't need to go through that to get here; he or she did."

Basho is one of the great masters of the haiku, so it is perhaps without surprise that he is so quotable (if you haven't read any of his poems, you need to). It always reminds me that my life doesn't to be like that of the people or religious leaders whom I admire. There may be a lot of things to learn from their lives, but my lessons will be different.

2. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~ Mark Twain

Twain in perhaps my favorite author. To me, he really shows his stuff in the second part of this quote. While he, being somewhat of a sailor, may have meant it more literally than I take it, it really speaks to the adventurous nature of this quote. Many of us, I'm sure, have read and understand that first sentence in some form or another, it's the second part that really brings it to life, that lets you feel what he means. Taking this pulnge to follow your dreams has never sounded more exciting and appealing than he makes it sound. This quote often inspires me to drop my petty concerns about a project, a trip, an expenditure, or a big decision.

3. Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness. ~Chuang-tzu

How Taoist is this quote? Just decide to be happy and you are. How can it be that easy? Well, if we apply this notion to the ways in which we are always striving to get more, more, more, then it comes to light. This can be seen as a tremendous argument for simplicity. Decide, for yourself, how much is going to be enough. How big of a house, how much stuff, how much money, how much time shopping, how much vacation time, and hit that mark. If you don't have any idea of what kind of ceiling there is, you'll keep wanting more. And if you want more, then by definition, you will always feel unsatisfied with what you have. So stop trying. Look around you, look at what you have, decide that that is enough.

4. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same. ~Carlos Castaneda

I know people who spend all their time being miserable. They complain about their days, they whine about service at a restaurant, they loath their coworkers, the weather has ruined their day, etc. They are the type of people who put a negative spin on everything. And I catch myself doing this at times. It's not appealing. Look around and decide that you're going to be happy. Decide that no matter how bad this day gets, it can be turned around. The kids can have a terrible morning, whining and crying, and I can have a terrible day at work. But, in the moment it takes to complain about something, we can change our days and our focus. We can make ourselves and our families happy and remind them that the day is never lost.

5. The mind is its own place, and of itself Can make a hell of heaven, a heaven of hell. ~Satan from Milton's Paradise Lost

There's nothing like using a quote from Satan to put a positive spin on your day. But this quote is very related to the last two. It is our frames of mind that make us happy, that make us miserable, that make us satisfied or unsatisfied. And I imagine that Satan, with his experiences in Heaven and Hell would be as much an authority of their properties as anyone. So let's trust the guy. This quote is a tremendous argument to rid yourself of anxiety and pressures, of assessing your situation and being content with it, of making the most of things. If things don't turn out like you planned, adjust to the new plan.

I write these quotes down today as an affirmation. I want today to be good. I'm stressed, I'm behind in my grading, I have one more week left of my statistics class. But there are reminders everywhere of the power of our own determination to take control of our days. To make the most of things and set a good example for ourselves and for our kids.

Deep breath.

Let's go.

10 Ways to Claim your Day

Note: Please check out Steve Olson's website to see the article that I penned about Education Vs. Schooling. Thanks again, Steve, for letting me guest-post.

Most mornings I teach an 8am class. Morning classes are my favorite; you haven't hit that afternoon lag, the coffee is fresh in your system, and you know that you're knocking one out right out of the gates. But I am constantly and consistently harried by students who droop and moan about how "early" it is.

But it doesn't just happen in the 8am classes. 9am, 10am, and even, I swear, half the time in any 11am classes I teach.

I'm sad for these students. They don't feel like they've made a decision to be there. They don't feel at all responsible for their presence--which goes to show how responsible they feel for the work we'll be doing. And I'm not a boring teacher, which I at least credit whith why they don't fall asleep.

What I want to tell them is this: It's your day. No one snuck up and took it from you. You're spending it right now and it's never going to come back, and you will have never known that it was yours in the first place. Wake up, grow up, take responsibility, and take charge.

With that advice in mind, I'd like to detail some of the things that make me feel ownership over the days I spend. Sure, some days slip past with me feeling dragged along the whole time. This is especially easy to fall into when you have kids and even easier when you have a set routine. At any rate, here are some ways to claim your day, feel free to mix, match, and ignore as you see fit:

1. Wake up Early
I know this isn't a popular one. But if Benjamin Franklin knew the benefits of early to bed, early to rise a couple hundred years ago, why in the world do we still struggle with it? Why can't we learn that these aren't words made in folly? I tell my students that the day starts at 8am. You can't possibly expect to wake up after that and have any control over your circumstances; they day has begun without you and others are already making the decisions that are going to run the rest of the cycle. I love to wake up early--regardless of the time I go to bed--and feel ripped off when 8am rolls around and others are sharing my day with me. Plus, it's possible to get a little extra time for yourself--or for you and your wife.

2. Start the day Writing
Pull out a notebook, a computer, or the backs of bills and start writing. It doesn't matter what you write. If you have no idea what to write, make it bland. Make lists about what your expectations for the day are. Or what you hope to avoid. If something is bothering you from the days before, write about that. Writing doesn't just serve as a form of communication. Writing is a way that people who practice it can metabolize things. Let it all run out onto the page.

3. Exercise
I used to hate running. I mean, really, really hate it. That's why one day I chose to start doing it three times a week. I figured that if I could start my day facing down something that I was afraid of, that I hated, and get through it, the rest of the day would be cake. Plus, it's good for you and all of that. I had a book that coached you through running a 10k in 13 weeks. It was a step-by-step regimine; a mixture of running and walking that brought you from coach potato to runner. I did it, it was wonderful, and I stopped. Why did I stop? Beats me. But I've got to get back into it. I was happier, healthier, and rested better when I was a runner. And I felt like I had conquered something that had always held me back. Plus, the time to myself (rarely more than 45 minutes a morning) was great. Yoga is another thing that you can do in the comfort of your own home, often with even small kids immitating you (or, in my case, sitting on me during the hardest poses).

4. Read
We've talked about this before, but reading can be a great way to spend your day. I take a book with me wherever I go. To the store, to work, to the mall, everywhere. You never know when you will have to wait somewhere and you can sneak five or ten minutes of page time in. If you're stumped about what to read, check out recomendations here and here or at the Badass Bookstore.

5. Turn off your TV
Did you think I wouldn't mention it this time? The TV is the biggest time-suck in the world. You burn less calories than sleeping while watching TV. It's a tunnel from corporate marketing firms right into your living room.

6. Go for a Walk or Hike
We are creatures meant for walking. Yet we never do it. Walking does wonders for your legs and for me it really helps to clear my mind. Taking the time out of the week to drive out to a good hiking spot does wonders for my entire family.

7. Meditate
This is another activity that is hard to do with your kids around, but if you do it before they wake up or after they go to bed, it can really keep your day on track. There are tons of books and blogs written about the subject and the benefits seem indisputible. While there are lots of different ways to do it that may speak better to you than others, there really isn't a bad way to do it. Carving out time for this activity will lower the volume on negative parts of your life and raise it on the good.

8. Ride your Bike to Work
Riding my bike to work and back is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I know that many of us don't live close enough to our jobs to make this goal a reality. But when we bought our house, we had biking to work in the forefront of our minds. Our last home featured a 45 minute, heavily trafficked commute to my job and it was terrible. It added unwanted stress and really detracted from any peace I might find in a day. Biking to work actually decreases stress and by the time I'm in my office (clothes changed and all), I am more relaxed and ready for the day. When I get home with my totally nerdy bike helmet on, I've already shed the stresses of work through my pedals. Paul Dorn keeps a wonderful Bike Commute Tips blog that is really worth checking out.

9. Clean up at night
The hypocracy alarm just went off. Our house is as messy as any I've been to. Toys, laundry, dog chews all over the place. But if you can manage to get your house to a good, managable place, cleaning up at night will help you to wake up to a clean morning. Your day will start off on the right foot and you'll be able to concentrate on all those wonderful kids activities that serve to make the house messy again. Clean. Repeat.

10. Turn off the Internet
Again with that damn hypocracy alarm. Don't worry, I'm an English Professor and I see the irony in all of its levels when I suggest this. I'll go further and say that you shouldn't turn it off until you've had a chance to visit the Badass Dad Store and clicked on all of our sponsers over there on the right--->. But just because I'm a guy who wants to make a buck on the Internet doesn't mean I'm wrong with this advice. But I digress. Really and truly, the Internet can be the biggest time-suck of them all. Especially if you have Stumble installed on your browser (and most of the traffic to this site is from Stumble, so again, I get it). There's nothing inlcusive or promotional of family bonding about the Internet. It should really be kept to a minimum if you want to feel like the day was yours when you go to bed at night.

***

There's nothing that's more of a shame than being dragged around by other forces all day. And there is nothing better than being engaged in your present life. So next time you find yourself complaining about how much there is to do today, or how early it is, or when will the kids just go to bed already, ask yourself this: how much of your life are you going to wish away?

20 Great books to get you Reading

Showing our kids that reading is important starts with them seeing us reading. They need to see that reading is an engaging and thought-provoking activity. If you're not a reader, it's probably not your fault. You've never been exposed to the right things in school. If you say you don't like reading, well, you're wrong. There are enough books out there on enough subjects to keep anyone enraptured. Here are some fiction books that can get you started on the path to reading. Or, if you already read, consider adding these to your library.

1. Bradbury, Ray. Something Wicked this way Comes. Through the central characters of Will Halloway and his shadow Jim Nightshade, Bradbury paints a picture of innocence and the fearful desires of the human heart. Bradbury not only deals with question of time and our place in it, but he does it through our relationships to each other. His characters are fascinating and relatable.

2. Castaneda, Carlos. Journey to Itxlan: The Lessons of don Juan. Carlos Castaneda retells his fascinating tutelage under the shaman don Juan. Castaneda explores the possibility that before our very eyes exists infinite realities that we can access. By stripping away the one thing that we feel as truth—our senses—of their power, he opens up endless possibilities in storytelling.

3. Dick, Phillip K. The Man in the High Castle. Dick shows us, instead of a speculative future, a speculative past. The fascinating idea of a world where the allies lost World War II is actually overshadowed by the development of the characters. Characters, we learn, are the basis for good fiction, regardless of how good an idea is.

4. Hawking, Stephen W. A Brief History of Time. Hawking discusses current theories of Time and Space. The accomplished physicist makes the scientific mysteries of the world relatable to the layman. Understanding Time through the scientists’ eyes opens door for the speculative fiction writer.

5. Heinlein, Robert A. Stranger in a Strange Land. Smith, an Earthling brought up by Martians, struggles to find his place in the world of his brethren that he finds to be shortsighted and petty. This science fiction classic shows explored reoccurring motifs in science, law, and religion. Human kind is exposed in this novel through the eyes of an outsider.

6. Hesse, Hermann. The Glass Bead Game. Magister Ludi, the master of the Glass Bead Game, is questioning his faith in the establishment. This novel explores a complex synthesis of aesthetics and philosophy through a religious ceremony called the Glass Bead Game. The notion that art, religion, science, and music can all relate is made accessible to the reader.

7. Hesse, Hermann. Narcissus and Goldmund. Hesse explores the duality of human nature in this beautiful book. What path works for one to enlightenment won’t necessarily work for another. While one character seeks the divine through worship, another strikes out through art, sex, and murder. There are descriptions of art that leave the reader breathless.

8. Le Carre, John. The Spy who came in from the Cold. This is often called the best spy novel ever written. A retired spy is forced back into service, trying to weed out a double agent in cold war Berlin. Chief among this book’s accomplishments is the complex question of moral ambiguity. Who or what is “good” and is there a line where that becomes “bad?” Characters much choose between the standard, or their own moral universe.

9. Lightman, Alan. Einstein’s Dreams. This is a short novel that has dozens of vignettes that explore different possibilities of the function of Time. It is best read after along with Hawking’s Brief History of Time to understand the physical context for the vignettes.

10. Lindsay, David. A Voyage to Arcturus. This is a classic novel of speculative fiction. Maskull trades his life on Earth for a few precious hours on the planet of Tormance in an effort to find the answer to a question that he can’t quite annunciate. It explores the soul’s journey through this earth, by taking it to the unlikely place of a distant planet. We are exposed to different kinds of perception that affect our values.

11. Maguire, Gregory. Wicked This story tells of the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West. It paints a sympathetic picture of the woman and the troubles that her life was filled with. In the end, she is neither demonized nor is she sanctified, but we have a very real and tangible character that makes us view The Wizard of Oz in a totally new light.

12. Marquez, Gabriel Garcia. Collected Stories. Marquez makes the fantastic believable in his short stories. His has a gift for making the reader suspend disbelief long enough to accept the incredible elements of his stories. In his story, The Very Old Man with Enormous Wings, he succeeds in making the reader feel pity and remorse for what appears to be a fallen angel, disregarding the natural tendency to be overcome by curiosity alone.

13. Marquez, Gabriel Garcia. One Hundred Years of Solitude. Go ahead. Give it a try. It’s maybe the best book of all time.

14. Mishima, Yukio. The Sea of Fertility Cycle. Mishima’s self-proclaimed masterpiece that explores Japan’s schizophrenic identity, stuck between Westernization and the samurai ideals. These four books show the development of character over a long period of time. Through this time, we are exposed to many different sides of character, revealing the depths of human psychology.

15. Niffenegger, Audrey. The Time Traveler’s Wife. This is a very non-traditional love story about a man who is unstuck in time. The man moves back and forth in time, meeting himself and his future wife in a non-linier reality. It is thrilling, sad, and wonderful.

16. Palahniuk, Chuck. Lullaby. A non-traditional horror story about a bed time song that kills indiscriminately. Mixed in with the thrilling plot is biting and constant social commentary that is worth the read by itself.

17. Robbins, Tom. Jitterbug Perfume. This epic story follows Alobar, the world’s first individually minded person through a quest for mortality. Along the way, he meets gods, scientists, and makes an amazing bottle of perfume. Tom Robbins does for smells what few authors can do for visuals: he paints them vividly. He does this against the backdrop of mythology, science, and religion. The characters also have a very complex relationship to time, finding ways to survive indefinitely.

18. Sebold, Alice. The Lovely Bones. This engaging story is told from a very unique perspective. It is written in first-person omniscient; the narrator is a disembodied victim of a murder who is able to see all at once. It is done very successfully. The story is about a family dealing with tremendous loss instead of being preoccupied with crime and punishment.

19. Twain, Mark. Life on the Mississippi. Mark Twain gives us a slice of what America was like in his day and time. Not exactly a memoir, not exactly fiction, and not really travel writing, Twain is an observer of human kind of the highest skill.

20. Vonnegut, Kurt. The Cat’s Cradle. We follow a reporter as he uncovers a conspiracy involving a doomsday weapon with limitless destructive powers. The weapon has the ability to freeze all liquid on Earth without lowering the temperature. Vonnegut takes a cynical view of the end of the world. The doomsday weapon, Ice-Nine, is a perfect example of a speculative fiction device; while it is totally impossible, it is made to be very plausible.

Naturally, there are many more out there. Check out this blog for some good recommendations that might speak to you.

5 Reasons to Simplify Your Life

Welcome Carnival of Happiness and Meaning readers!

***

There are a million reasons to simplify your life. If you're new to fatherhood or if you've been around for a while, you've probably discovered that there aren't enough hours in the day to fit in all of your responsibilities and to take care of your family. Simplifying your life is a step to reclaiming the time of your days and showing your kids an impeccable way to live their lives. As we venture down this road, it is important to clarify reasons why we should. The following 5 reasons should help us scratch the surface.

1. Overwhelming amounts of media excert too much control over how we relate to our families.
Media, like advertising, would have us believe that the role of father does not include taking care of family. When advertisers direct marketing at men, they generally portray men who are unattached, with their friends, or at work scoring a big pitch in the boardroom. There is almost no room in advertisments for men to be with their families. This only happens in ads that are aimed at women, usually shown during daytime TV and in Women's magazines.

There are reasons for this. Advertisers think that men, in general, have a greater need for autonomy in a relationship than women do. The idea is that once a man is in a family, he will feel stifled and trapped by his identity as father, though empowered by his ability to provide for the family. And, as in so many other cases in our lives, the products want to prey on that assumed emotional relationship. The ads want us to forge a relationship with that product that will be fulfilling for us, melded intricatley with our unspoken desires to run away from our family. They, in fact, are hoping that the product will represent an escape for us.

Commeradarie, power, acceptance, and independence are the emotions that these products will use to get under our hoods and make a sale. What Miller beer hopes is not that you'll see their ad as a logical argument and say, "Hey, awesome, I'll go out and make a purchase of some Miller Beer." What they hope is that you will be with your friends, enjoying company, and someone will say, "It's 'Miller Time.'" When that happens, the advertisers have found their way in. They have melded with you on a pre-rational level and whatever they paid for that 30-second commercial has now bought them more air-time--but this is air-time in your life. They bought a moment of your life without paying for it. Someone sold it to them without asking your permission.

(This happens again when your daughter puts on the high-heeled shoes and smears lipstick on, trapsing about the room so clumisly but with a serious air of adulthood. Then, someone says, "Wow, what a Kodak moment!" For me, the moment is always ruined once it has been sold to a corporation, but hey, that's just me. )

So we find ourselves living in a society where the primary role of fatherhood is that of breadwinner, working for the weekend when we can finally take off our shackles and hang out with the bros. However, we students striving to be Badass Dads know that our role doesn't end there. There's cooking, cleaning, story-time, play-time, museums, playgrounds, music, bright sunny days out there that we want to share with our children. Stepping away from media entertainment can only help out our sanity. We want to step away from societal expectations and forge lives that we can be proud of at the end of the day.

2. You don't have enough money to buy it all.
If you are anything like me, you live paycheck to paycheck. Congratulations if you don't, but that doesn't mean that you can't stand to save a little more. The pace of our lives is really absurd when you sit around and think about it. Of course, they'd rather have us not think about it so that we remain resigned to a life of chasing the star of consumerism. But as consumers, we are constantly told that whatever it is that we have, it just isn't enough. Or, it at least isn't good enough. We are asked to forge relationships with products rather than people (such as a Civic ad that suggests that the car will never say, "it's not you, it's me"). But products are made to give out, to be unreliable, and to be replaceable. Cutting back on what you buy can make you realize that you are not what you own. You can derive meaning in life without buying things all the time.

3. The Environment
I know it might sound ignorant of me, but this is the reason for simplification that took me the longest time to come around to. For whatever reason, I've always felt like anything pertaining to global warming and all of that was nothing but hippie nonesense and alarmist jaberwocky. But I look at the problems in this world that could be solved if our parents had built a more renewable infastructure, and I see that I have a responsiblity to make things a little easier for my kids. Getting rid of a car, bussing to work, recycling, buying local, not using products that are made by known abusers of the environment, composting, growing your own food, and so many other things are in your individual power to take control of. And, they generally save you money, make you less of a "consumer" and make you healthier.

4. Better relationships.
Having products and brands being the bond between you and your loved ones is shameful. Yet, we do this all the time. Just a few years ago, having a cell phone was too expensive for most people. Now, it has been normalized and everyone thinks that they have to have one. But something that cell phones do is destroy conversations. "What's that you say? Destroy conversations? But they're about conversing, right?" No, cell phones are not about conversing. Like so much of "the information age," informaion has been boiled down to its basest forms. The accessiblity of cell phones and text messages make it possible for us to send quickly digestible snippets of information to each other at any time of the day, not matter where we are.

So what ends up happening to most of us is, we talk to our wives on the way to and from work. We talk to them when we are in the store. Something interesting happens, we text our brothers. We have a quick question, we can get a hold of our dads for a quick answer. But then, the next time we see our brothers, our dads, or our wives, we have nothing new to talk about. The information has been exchanged already, in quickly consumable tidbits. Why not sit down and talk when you get home from work? Why not save that question for your dad for the next time you see him, or sit down in your livingroom to have a phone conversation with him? Why not keep that interesting story under your hat for the next time you have a drink with your brother?

5. It's healthier
I struggle with my weight. And my life is by no means perfectly simple. But I know that if I make my own foods from scratch, ride my bike to work, and build a fort in the backyard for my daughters instead of buying them a new Xbox, I'll be better off. Don't get me started about our idea to build our own house (check out the badass bookstore for books on the subject). I'll feel better, be healthier, and set a better example for my children.

Bonus. Personal Satisfaction
There's a reward that comes with doing things yourself. Food tastes better when you make it yourself. The days are longer without TV to drag you down. You're more at ease if you know that no one can reach you via cell phone when you're at the store or on your way home. You enjoy time better with your friends and family if you haven't been constantly brought up to date about their lives through texting. Ultimatley, your quality of life will be improved.

Articles by Subject

Fathering
On Being a New Dad
The Breastfeeding Father
In Defense of Fatherhood
Putting Family First
10 Rules for being a role Model
Communicating with your Spouse
Education vs. Schooling (On Steve-Olson.com)
Baby Wearing
The Power of Language in Childhood
The Sex Talk
Potty Training
Activities for a Rainy Day
Changes
Imagination and Curiosity
Should Bookstores be Socially Responsible?
Is Bedtime Badtime?
Camping with Children
Father's Day
Traveling with Kids

Consumerism
Giving Up TV
10 Altertatives to Conventional TV
20 Great Books to get you Reading
Not Willing to Give Up TV? Tame it
9 Ways to be more Productive
Marketing TV to Children
Should Bookstores be Socially Responsible?
One Year without TV
Why I hate Hannah Montana

Communicating with Family
Putting Family First
5 Reasons to Simplify your Life
Valentines Day
Communicating with your Spouse
The Power of Language in Childhood
The Sex Talk
Potty Training
Activities for a Rainy Day
Changes
Imagination and Curiosity
Is Bedtime Badtime?
Camping with Children
Traveling with Kids

Education
Hostile Educational Climate of Testing
Education vs. Schooling (On Steve-Olson.com)

Simplifying
5 Reasons to Simplify your Life
10 Rules for being a role Model
5 Quotes to Live By
9 Ways to be more Productive
Activities for a Rainy Day

Living Mindfully
Communicating with your Spouse
Education vs. Schooling (On Steve-Olson.com)
10 Ways to Claim Your Day
20 Great Books to get you Reading
5 Keys to Mindful Behavior
5 Quotes to Live By
The Power of Language in Childhood
9 Ways to be more Productive
Activities for a Rainy Day
Changes
Should Bookstores be Socially Responsible?
Why I hate Hannah Montana