While my wife is pregnant with our third kid, I want to document the various stages of the pregnancy as it unfolds on this blog; how the pregnancy can effect dad and how dad can be constructive, helpful, and sensitive throughout.
But first I think it prudent to cover the most monumental change in my life so far and is sure to be until that big change at the end of my life: when my first child was born.
I liked to think that I was the kind of person who was prepared for this occasion; I was from a big family and had two younger sisters, my mom was a childbirth teacher, and I've always known that I wanted to have children. Nevertheless, when my first daughter was born I may as well have been struck by lightening while being eaten by a whale.
The Pregnancy
My wife didn't have a lot of sickness. I know that's easy for me to say. But she did have a downright magical aversion to chicken. She couldn't even see the word written without gagging. Besides this, I don't recall a lot of really tangible evidence that she was pregnant--excepting of course the gigantic test of abdominal elasticity.
When the nesting started, I was, to be perfectly honest, a little annoyed. We had to paint a bedroom and set up furniture for the baby that we weren't even planning on using since we were going to co-sleep. That said, she had a perfect vision for how the room should be (which I also found very perplexing) and all I had to do was go through the motions. The room was set up well before the baby arrived and for as long as we lived in that house, she never slept in that room.
I realize now that it wasn't unnecessary that we set up that room, though. I know now that it was something that she had to do--she felt baby inside her and she had to physically manifest a readiness for the arrival. On the other hand, despite my intellectual understanding of the situation, I had no idea what was going to happen. I had no idea we were really going to have a baby.
The Birth
I don't pay for enough bandwidth to talk fully about the birth. I could write for a month and not be half way through the experience. It was at once the most memorable day of my life and the most surreal. One memory that sticks out at me was walking down the halls at the hospital and hearing a baby cry from the room next to ours. I thought it was the most amazing thing I had ever heard--for the first time it occurred to me that we would be hearing a baby cry from our room. And still nothing was real to me. Still I had no idea.
We lost the battle of our birth from the beginning. My daughter was born in the same backwards hospital where I was born. We thought ourselves a well-prepared couple, but the hospital was infamous for it's greater than 60% cesarean rate which was symbolic of their love of medical intervention. Our birth was as natural as we could have hoped for with the nurses and doctor begging us to just get the epidural already.
When my wife actually pushed the baby out, a change washed over me instantly. It was like the floor fell out from under me but I was still standing. It was like I shed my skin and was a completely new creature underneath. It was like died and was reborn. I can talk in metaphors about it all day, but the simple truth of the matter is that no analogy could possibly capture the change that happened in me. I will never be the same person that I was the instant before the baby was born.
That night, in the hospital, my wife cried like I had never seen her cry before while looking at our daughter. She didn't feel deserving of having such a perfect child. I felt the same way and the three of us--our new family--cuddled up on the narrow hospital bed together and looked at each other, trying in some way to achieve an understanding.
The New Constant
I knew, intellectually, what my parents and all those silly sex-ed classes told me a million times, that having a baby was a 24-hour commitment. But those words were shadows on the wall, mere black and white two-dimensional representations of the full color, 3-D reality of what that means.
For the first week or so, we were both walking zombies. We oscillated between giddy and thrilled and tired and overwhelmed. I had the potential to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation while sitting upright in the middle of the day. Nursing was a huge challenge, one that I have documented to some extent here, and was the central focus of my life.
No one told me that babies don't really know how to breathe steadily right away. We spent hours discussing the varied length between breaths that our daughter would take. We worried almost as much as we marveled at the little thing.
Baby Blues
My wife had a terrible bought of postpartum depression. Really, it's still with us in many ways. there's enough material in our struggle for several entries and I'm sure they will come when I feel like I could get at the heart of things.
The New Dad
I don't complain when I say that I have never been put "first" in our family since then. Every decision, from my job to my free time to what I eat has something to do with my role as father. Every fiber of my being is wrapped up in that role. I don't really know how else to do it. As I have said before, I feel lucky that I had an involved father so I know half of what I should do.
As we approach our third birth, we want to really have the birthing experience we've always wanted. This means trying to find the money for a birthing center or home birth, being better prepared with exercises and techniques, and reading books upon books to focus our wills. Throughout the experience, I hope to document what it is like being a human who will soon have made another one.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Movie Review: WALL-E
**I would never put in spoilers, by the way**
We woke up this morning with a plan to go and see the new Pixar flick, WALL-E. My daughters have been looking forward to it ever since we saw the preview before Enchanted last Thanksgiving. They're big fans of the Disney/Pixar scene, as are we in general. Their favorite is probably Finding Nemo and they really didn't take to Cars all that well. But there has been constant mention of the upcoming "robot movie" since it's advertising machine started nearly a year ago.
The movie is good. The visual effects meet your expectations 0f what top-notch computer animation should be and the sound effects are very strong throughout; I'm just enough of a nerd to have noticed that the film's title character is voiced by the same guy who did R2-D2 in all six Star Wars movies. There were some new elements incorporated into the movie, too, such as a few live-action sequences, some of which staring the incomparable Fred Willard. It also has a lot of social criticism that I found interesting and exciting. It is a true sci-fi work, embodying our collective subconscious fear of technology in a post-capitalist serfdom.
My biggest criticism of kids movies is when they go on too long or have endings that have one or two too many twists and turns, milking the tension beyond what my kids can take and making their eyes wander the theater for other stimuli. It's not that I want them fully absorbed so much as it seems disrespectful to their target audience.
This movie didn't really have that problem, though. While it was long and my two year old could hardly have stayed sitting for so long without a snack and water, it didn't drag. And while there was plenty of tension and excitement throughout the movie, it was never tedious or just plain too frightening or sad for my kids, at least.
As far as movies for kids go, this one was really excellent. I'm in the minority, I'm sure, when I say that my favorite animated movie of the year is still Horton Hears a Who. But as an entertainment and artistic works go, this one was wonderful and very respectable. It is one with a light heart, but also much sensitivity.I recommend it with full confidence.
We woke up this morning with a plan to go and see the new Pixar flick, WALL-E. My daughters have been looking forward to it ever since we saw the preview before Enchanted last Thanksgiving. They're big fans of the Disney/Pixar scene, as are we in general. Their favorite is probably Finding Nemo and they really didn't take to Cars all that well. But there has been constant mention of the upcoming "robot movie" since it's advertising machine started nearly a year ago.
The movie is good. The visual effects meet your expectations 0f what top-notch computer animation should be and the sound effects are very strong throughout; I'm just enough of a nerd to have noticed that the film's title character is voiced by the same guy who did R2-D2 in all six Star Wars movies. There were some new elements incorporated into the movie, too, such as a few live-action sequences, some of which staring the incomparable Fred Willard. It also has a lot of social criticism that I found interesting and exciting. It is a true sci-fi work, embodying our collective subconscious fear of technology in a post-capitalist serfdom.
My biggest criticism of kids movies is when they go on too long or have endings that have one or two too many twists and turns, milking the tension beyond what my kids can take and making their eyes wander the theater for other stimuli. It's not that I want them fully absorbed so much as it seems disrespectful to their target audience.
This movie didn't really have that problem, though. While it was long and my two year old could hardly have stayed sitting for so long without a snack and water, it didn't drag. And while there was plenty of tension and excitement throughout the movie, it was never tedious or just plain too frightening or sad for my kids, at least.
As far as movies for kids go, this one was really excellent. I'm in the minority, I'm sure, when I say that my favorite animated movie of the year is still Horton Hears a Who. But as an entertainment and artistic works go, this one was wonderful and very respectable. It is one with a light heart, but also much sensitivity.I recommend it with full confidence.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Traveling with Kids
We just got back from the longest vacation that I have ever taken. Everywhere we went, be it camping on the beach, crashing in a hostel, or checking out various roadside attractions, people around us seemed to be united in one common diagnosis: we were brave to do whatever it was we were doing with a 2 and 3 year old.
Brave? Really? I thought it was fun to do these things with our kids. Even though they're very young, I think that what we were doing was enriching to them, for whatever that was worth.
Bringing Toys
When we went on our first big road trip with our girls at about this age, it was six months ago. It was a shorter trip and I think that we over prepared. We packed little backpacks for both of them filled with little toys, drawing boards, coloring books, stuffed animals, etc. Our idea was that by going through all of these things neatly packed into the bag as theirs, they would busy themselves and the time in the car would pass easily for them. Instead, it was a constant game of dropping and fetching that drove my wife crazy. There was a lot of discontent and crying when a favorite knick-knack would be lost in the bowels of the backpack.
This time, we cut toys down to a minimum. We bought generic travel magnadoodle things for each girl and invited them to bring along one favorite stuffed animal. There were also about half a dozen children's books. This time around things were easier to keep track of and the drawings got more and more creative as the magnadoodle things ended up being the best toy we could have thought of.
Special Gear
Since we were doing a lot of camping, we packed them each a small flashlight. This not only helped with the potential fear involved in camping, but it also made them feel that they held an important and self-directed role around the campground.
We packed two big sleeping bags for the girls and two small ones. We ended up camping in some remote and cold places and having them zipped in a small bag and snuggled into a larger bag with their sister was very helpful. They also enjoyed that we bought a rechargeable lantern with a little night light.
Little Responsibilities
Our kids like to feel like they're helping. We learned early on that it was best to buy two small or medium sized road atlases that they could each hold. We pointed out the grand view of our route and they liked to pretend to show each other exactly where we were, where different friends of their were, and where their aunts, uncles, and grandparents live. Using a pen, they drew all over the maps to show us where to go.
There were also lots of times that we let them decide what we were going to do: go for a hike, play with a ball, go for a drive, a swim, whatever.
Proper Expectations
Early on, we thought surprises would be the way to go. For example, on a day when we were going to go to the beach, we didn't tell them before hand. We dressed them in their swimming suits and told them that we were going to go for a swim. When we ended up at the beach, they were very disappointed that we weren't at the community pool back home. It took a good while before we could properly pump them up about the beach--usually one of their favorite things. With that in mind, we were sure to tell them the day before we went to Disneyland and talk about all the things we could do there. Kids seem to frame their world in their expectations and anticipation is half the fun--at least.
Imagination
As we prepared for our trip, everyone and their dog had one suggestion. It can be summed up by what a coworker said to me: "You've got to get a DVD player for your car, if you don't have one." I just don't know why I would take my kids on a 6,000 mile road trip if I just wanted to plop them down in front of a TV. I would do that at home and buy a more convincing TV with all the money we would have saved by not driving around the country. I wanted them to experience things. I wanted them to see the world around us: the redwoods in California, the arches in Utah, the desert in New Mexico, the Rockies in Colorado, etc. I even wanted them to experience how boring it can be for miles and miles while we try and make it to our next stop before sundown.
There's something that I think a lot of people forget: the gift of being bored. Boredom is something that is almost alien to me since having kids as every moment can potentially be filled with work, study, or dealing with the kids simultaneously. But boredom is the mother of invention. When they got bored, they started looking around more, drawing more, asking about letters and numbers more often and little stops at curio shops end up being big fun.
Our Mantra
It's about being a family together. Being in the car, in a remote campground, or at a busy theme park with your family is what the trip is all about. The night before we left, we had a tiny family conference where we said that we were going to have a "good trip." Our oldest daughter held her hand up in sort of the sign-language sign for "I Love You," (which seemed to pick up from "Yellow Submarine" or something) and said "Good Trip!" This became our mantra for the trip.
We agreed that if someone was grumpy, upset, angry, or dissatisfied in any way, you only had to lift your hand in the special sign and say "Good Trip!" and things got to start over free of penalty. You didn't need to warm up, you didn't need to hold a grudge, you didn't need to swallow your pride, it was just "Good Trip" and you're better.
This worked well for parents as well as kids. When I was upset and disappointed about something, my wife would remind me with a "Good Trip" and I was able to shift my frame of reference. And when we were having fun, one of the kids might just up and say it to remind us of what a special moment we were in.
***
Traveling with kids is fun. It's good for them, you, and it's good for your collective identity as family. There are going to be some fits and some problems and it's always more expensive than you think it will be, but it's worth it. It's one of those things that's not about time or money but transcends those things to become so much more than what you've spent on it.
Brave? Really? I thought it was fun to do these things with our kids. Even though they're very young, I think that what we were doing was enriching to them, for whatever that was worth.
Bringing Toys
When we went on our first big road trip with our girls at about this age, it was six months ago. It was a shorter trip and I think that we over prepared. We packed little backpacks for both of them filled with little toys, drawing boards, coloring books, stuffed animals, etc. Our idea was that by going through all of these things neatly packed into the bag as theirs, they would busy themselves and the time in the car would pass easily for them. Instead, it was a constant game of dropping and fetching that drove my wife crazy. There was a lot of discontent and crying when a favorite knick-knack would be lost in the bowels of the backpack.
This time, we cut toys down to a minimum. We bought generic travel magnadoodle things for each girl and invited them to bring along one favorite stuffed animal. There were also about half a dozen children's books. This time around things were easier to keep track of and the drawings got more and more creative as the magnadoodle things ended up being the best toy we could have thought of.
Special Gear
Since we were doing a lot of camping, we packed them each a small flashlight. This not only helped with the potential fear involved in camping, but it also made them feel that they held an important and self-directed role around the campground.
We packed two big sleeping bags for the girls and two small ones. We ended up camping in some remote and cold places and having them zipped in a small bag and snuggled into a larger bag with their sister was very helpful. They also enjoyed that we bought a rechargeable lantern with a little night light.
Little Responsibilities
Our kids like to feel like they're helping. We learned early on that it was best to buy two small or medium sized road atlases that they could each hold. We pointed out the grand view of our route and they liked to pretend to show each other exactly where we were, where different friends of their were, and where their aunts, uncles, and grandparents live. Using a pen, they drew all over the maps to show us where to go.
There were also lots of times that we let them decide what we were going to do: go for a hike, play with a ball, go for a drive, a swim, whatever.
Proper Expectations
Early on, we thought surprises would be the way to go. For example, on a day when we were going to go to the beach, we didn't tell them before hand. We dressed them in their swimming suits and told them that we were going to go for a swim. When we ended up at the beach, they were very disappointed that we weren't at the community pool back home. It took a good while before we could properly pump them up about the beach--usually one of their favorite things. With that in mind, we were sure to tell them the day before we went to Disneyland and talk about all the things we could do there. Kids seem to frame their world in their expectations and anticipation is half the fun--at least.
Imagination
As we prepared for our trip, everyone and their dog had one suggestion. It can be summed up by what a coworker said to me: "You've got to get a DVD player for your car, if you don't have one." I just don't know why I would take my kids on a 6,000 mile road trip if I just wanted to plop them down in front of a TV. I would do that at home and buy a more convincing TV with all the money we would have saved by not driving around the country. I wanted them to experience things. I wanted them to see the world around us: the redwoods in California, the arches in Utah, the desert in New Mexico, the Rockies in Colorado, etc. I even wanted them to experience how boring it can be for miles and miles while we try and make it to our next stop before sundown.
There's something that I think a lot of people forget: the gift of being bored. Boredom is something that is almost alien to me since having kids as every moment can potentially be filled with work, study, or dealing with the kids simultaneously. But boredom is the mother of invention. When they got bored, they started looking around more, drawing more, asking about letters and numbers more often and little stops at curio shops end up being big fun.
Our Mantra
It's about being a family together. Being in the car, in a remote campground, or at a busy theme park with your family is what the trip is all about. The night before we left, we had a tiny family conference where we said that we were going to have a "good trip." Our oldest daughter held her hand up in sort of the sign-language sign for "I Love You," (which seemed to pick up from "Yellow Submarine" or something) and said "Good Trip!" This became our mantra for the trip.
We agreed that if someone was grumpy, upset, angry, or dissatisfied in any way, you only had to lift your hand in the special sign and say "Good Trip!" and things got to start over free of penalty. You didn't need to warm up, you didn't need to hold a grudge, you didn't need to swallow your pride, it was just "Good Trip" and you're better.
This worked well for parents as well as kids. When I was upset and disappointed about something, my wife would remind me with a "Good Trip" and I was able to shift my frame of reference. And when we were having fun, one of the kids might just up and say it to remind us of what a special moment we were in.
***
Traveling with kids is fun. It's good for them, you, and it's good for your collective identity as family. There are going to be some fits and some problems and it's always more expensive than you think it will be, but it's worth it. It's one of those things that's not about time or money but transcends those things to become so much more than what you've spent on it.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Father's Day
About a week or so ago, my wife and I found out we are pregnant with our third kid. Wow. We're excited and I think it hasn't even really hit us yet. It is through the lens of becoming a father for the third time that I have started examining Father's Day.
This Father's Day is the 100th such day in this country. Father's Day was first introduced as an afterthought to Mother's Day. The celebration of the man's role in parenting wasn't as natural a fit to a psuedo-holiday as to express appreciation for Mothers. Even now it seems like there is general disagreement as to how to celebrate dads--or if they should, indeed, be celebrated.
There is something very natural to Mother's Day that the Dad's day just seems to be lacking. Something I can't stand is the cliche Father's Day gifts: neck ties, golf clubs, business socks. To me, such gifts reinforce the dad's role as breadwinner and discount the idea of a dad as an engaged parent. They show that a dad's most important role is his job and his independent pastimes are his most enjoyable times--a celebration of apartness. I was at a steakhouse the other day that had a big sign saying "Open at 10:00am on Father's Day!" Yes, because my dad wants a steak for breakfast. In contrast, the cliche gifts of Mother's Day--flowers, spa treatments, etc--at least express a sensitivity to the delicate role of Mother and an invitation to put herself first for once.
The fact that there are these standby notions of Father's Day gifts (mostly given to us by the media in the first place) shows a schizophrenic attitude towards fathers in our culture; it's best embodied by the question: "What the hell is a Father supposed to be, anyway?"
I've made the argument previously that the most important role a father plays is not as breadwinner or provider, but as role model. For me, it's always been easy to appreciate my dad, but it's even more so now that I have kids. I don't know what kind of dad I would be if I hadn't seen it done right in the first place.
But how the hell do I show thanks? Do I buy a card that someone else wrote? Do I get him something for his office or his BBQ? Do I take him out to dinner? And how will my kids try and show it when they're older? It seems to me like Father's Day is a natural time to try and weave in some family activities of some kind; a trip, a visit, a picnic. A CD is as close as I can come to thinking of a gift that doesn't break the bank and can still be personal.
Father's Day will always be second fiddle when it comes to the Hallmark Holidays. But it's not because fathers are any less important than mothers. Just as the role of a caring dad often has to be invented by the one living it, so does the way to celebrate and express appreciation for a job well done have to be improvised.
I don't think that my dad will care that we don't make a big deal about Father's Day. I know that I don't care if I get a card or hug or whatever on that one day. The best way that I can think of to celebrate fatherhood is to practice it with care and understanding--to embody everything that I saw my dad do right as best as I can. That's something that just can't be expressed by breakfast steaks and neck ties.
Related Articles:
In Defense of Fatherhood
10 Rules for being a role Model
Putting Family First
This Father's Day is the 100th such day in this country. Father's Day was first introduced as an afterthought to Mother's Day. The celebration of the man's role in parenting wasn't as natural a fit to a psuedo-holiday as to express appreciation for Mothers. Even now it seems like there is general disagreement as to how to celebrate dads--or if they should, indeed, be celebrated.
There is something very natural to Mother's Day that the Dad's day just seems to be lacking. Something I can't stand is the cliche Father's Day gifts: neck ties, golf clubs, business socks. To me, such gifts reinforce the dad's role as breadwinner and discount the idea of a dad as an engaged parent. They show that a dad's most important role is his job and his independent pastimes are his most enjoyable times--a celebration of apartness. I was at a steakhouse the other day that had a big sign saying "Open at 10:00am on Father's Day!" Yes, because my dad wants a steak for breakfast. In contrast, the cliche gifts of Mother's Day--flowers, spa treatments, etc--at least express a sensitivity to the delicate role of Mother and an invitation to put herself first for once.
The fact that there are these standby notions of Father's Day gifts (mostly given to us by the media in the first place) shows a schizophrenic attitude towards fathers in our culture; it's best embodied by the question: "What the hell is a Father supposed to be, anyway?"
I've made the argument previously that the most important role a father plays is not as breadwinner or provider, but as role model. For me, it's always been easy to appreciate my dad, but it's even more so now that I have kids. I don't know what kind of dad I would be if I hadn't seen it done right in the first place.
But how the hell do I show thanks? Do I buy a card that someone else wrote? Do I get him something for his office or his BBQ? Do I take him out to dinner? And how will my kids try and show it when they're older? It seems to me like Father's Day is a natural time to try and weave in some family activities of some kind; a trip, a visit, a picnic. A CD is as close as I can come to thinking of a gift that doesn't break the bank and can still be personal.
Father's Day will always be second fiddle when it comes to the Hallmark Holidays. But it's not because fathers are any less important than mothers. Just as the role of a caring dad often has to be invented by the one living it, so does the way to celebrate and express appreciation for a job well done have to be improvised.
I don't think that my dad will care that we don't make a big deal about Father's Day. I know that I don't care if I get a card or hug or whatever on that one day. The best way that I can think of to celebrate fatherhood is to practice it with care and understanding--to embody everything that I saw my dad do right as best as I can. That's something that just can't be expressed by breakfast steaks and neck ties.
Related Articles:
In Defense of Fatherhood
10 Rules for being a role Model
Putting Family First
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Why I hate Hannah Montana
Why do I hate Hanna Montana? It has nothing to do with the semi-nude pictures of her, trashy as they were.
The other day, I was in the store looking for a night light. My eldest daughter has an intense fear of the dark and what I really wanted was a regular off-white night light that has an on/off switch; not one of those flicker-in-the-near-darkness jobs. Naturally, the kind I wanted was sold out however long ago and no one knew when a new order for them would go in. But they did have the Hannah Montana night light.
They also had the Hannah Montana flashlight. And stool. And three different beach towels. And MP3 player. The Hannah Montana pajamas. The tote bag with accessories and blond wig. The charm bracelet. A Hannah Montana leather watch (in pink, purple, and black). The beauty set. Guitar. Cell phone case. Anti-static pink hairbrush. The sheet set. Umbrella. The Hannah Montana birthday cake edible image. Tatoos. Wii and DS games. Thank you notes. Drapes. Tooth-tunes (those tooth brushes that let you hear music through your teeth while brushing). 166 different books (no lie). Pencils, car decals, purses, nightgowns, panties.
All of them with the girl's face on them.
Strike that. She's not a girl; she's a product. She's Barbie. She's Pepsi. She's Coke. She's a living nightmare.
Who wants their face on a stool? Who wants a stool with someone's face on it? Why do all these products claim to have anything to do with "girl power" when all they are doing is packaging what it is to be a girl and selling the image, thus stereotyping and perpetuating what marketers feel it should be like to be a girl?
The show is about how great it is to be a "regular girl" and a "star." Yet all it does is reinforce the privilege and wonderment of what it is to be rich and famous. Hanna has a desirable life not because she is a regular girl, but because she can choose to be a regular girl or a superstar. Yet the reality is that she and her parents have let her become such an over-exposed product that there is nothing left about her that is human. She is an icon of an image and she is what every girl wants to be.
I think there's a problem when we all start dreaming the same dream. Especially when that dream is unchecked by any sort of ethics or limitations. Hannah shows children that selling out is awesome, that having your face on a bar of soap is cool, that you should put your image on every available product, that shopping provides meaning to your life. Is this what we want our daughters to grow up thinking?
Do we want our daughters to see us all clamoring for $100+ tickets to see a fifteen year old lip sync?
I'm glad that I don't have TV. I can't imagine going to WalMart or Target and having my kids beg for the bananas with her face on the sticker or the phone with her face on it, ad infinitum. We live in a world where ads and product licensing has gone insane.
The Buddha said that life is suffering and that it is such because of misplaced desires. Hannah Montana gives our daughters a lot of misplaced desires--not just toys in her image, but every imaginable product--and this trains them to be forever in the indentured servitude of the corporate machine.
Call me alarmist. But I'm sick of it.
The other day, I was in the store looking for a night light. My eldest daughter has an intense fear of the dark and what I really wanted was a regular off-white night light that has an on/off switch; not one of those flicker-in-the-near-darkness jobs. Naturally, the kind I wanted was sold out however long ago and no one knew when a new order for them would go in. But they did have the Hannah Montana night light.
They also had the Hannah Montana flashlight. And stool. And three different beach towels. And MP3 player. The Hannah Montana pajamas. The tote bag with accessories and blond wig. The charm bracelet. A Hannah Montana leather watch (in pink, purple, and black). The beauty set. Guitar. Cell phone case. Anti-static pink hairbrush. The sheet set. Umbrella. The Hannah Montana birthday cake edible image. Tatoos. Wii and DS games. Thank you notes. Drapes. Tooth-tunes (those tooth brushes that let you hear music through your teeth while brushing). 166 different books (no lie). Pencils, car decals, purses, nightgowns, panties.
All of them with the girl's face on them.
Strike that. She's not a girl; she's a product. She's Barbie. She's Pepsi. She's Coke. She's a living nightmare.
Who wants their face on a stool? Who wants a stool with someone's face on it? Why do all these products claim to have anything to do with "girl power" when all they are doing is packaging what it is to be a girl and selling the image, thus stereotyping and perpetuating what marketers feel it should be like to be a girl?
The show is about how great it is to be a "regular girl" and a "star." Yet all it does is reinforce the privilege and wonderment of what it is to be rich and famous. Hanna has a desirable life not because she is a regular girl, but because she can choose to be a regular girl or a superstar. Yet the reality is that she and her parents have let her become such an over-exposed product that there is nothing left about her that is human. She is an icon of an image and she is what every girl wants to be.
I think there's a problem when we all start dreaming the same dream. Especially when that dream is unchecked by any sort of ethics or limitations. Hannah shows children that selling out is awesome, that having your face on a bar of soap is cool, that you should put your image on every available product, that shopping provides meaning to your life. Is this what we want our daughters to grow up thinking?
Do we want our daughters to see us all clamoring for $100+ tickets to see a fifteen year old lip sync?
I'm glad that I don't have TV. I can't imagine going to WalMart or Target and having my kids beg for the bananas with her face on the sticker or the phone with her face on it, ad infinitum. We live in a world where ads and product licensing has gone insane.
The Buddha said that life is suffering and that it is such because of misplaced desires. Hannah Montana gives our daughters a lot of misplaced desires--not just toys in her image, but every imaginable product--and this trains them to be forever in the indentured servitude of the corporate machine.
Call me alarmist. But I'm sick of it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Small Update and New Site Launch
Howdy, strangers! I'm sorry that the BadassDad blog hasn't been updated for so long, but my family is now about half way through our mega-long road trip/camping/family visit vacation. We're happy and grateful for our trip and having a wonderful time. At this point in time, we're visiting family, but next week we're camping along the California coast. It sure is nice to be around people who care about us and our kids and are willing to offer entertainment and care for our kids. We've even been able to sneak out for a couple dates while we've been here!
I expect to do a much more interesting and open up some more discourse on parenting in the next week or so. Right now, I'd like to actually point you away from the site for a while. Today a new site is launching at http://www.tvfreeliving.com and it should be great. How do I know it should be great? For one thing they've asked me to participate and contribute some articles. Head over to TVFreeLiving and subscribe, if you think it sounds like something you're into.
Remember, you don't have to go so far as tossing your box out the window to live TV Free; it's always nice to learn some strategies to help cut screen time out of your life and open the doors and get out and live. Remember, we watch TV because it shows us a world in which TV doesn't exist--the paradox is that we can live in this world any time we want to--just turn it off.
I expect to do a much more interesting and open up some more discourse on parenting in the next week or so. Right now, I'd like to actually point you away from the site for a while. Today a new site is launching at http://www.tvfreeliving.com and it should be great. How do I know it should be great? For one thing they've asked me to participate and contribute some articles. Head over to TVFreeLiving and subscribe, if you think it sounds like something you're into.
Remember, you don't have to go so far as tossing your box out the window to live TV Free; it's always nice to learn some strategies to help cut screen time out of your life and open the doors and get out and live. Remember, we watch TV because it shows us a world in which TV doesn't exist--the paradox is that we can live in this world any time we want to--just turn it off.
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